Live your version of your story

Others will tell you their version of your story. In fact, many people feel very comfortable doing so without you even asking. Wouldn’t it be great if you could get everyone to tell your version of your story? We can always dream, right?  iStock_000015831258Small1

Without the ability to have others see with your eyes, think your thoughts, have your passion and feel with your heart, that will just not happen.

So why do we waste time and energy listening to the fictional version of our nonfiction best seller? Stay focused and true to what you are writing on the hearts and souls of all you touch, as you provide respite, foster or adopt. Think back to the start of your fostering journey and the reasons you began writing this amazing story. Are those reasons still not ringing true today? Have you listened to so many incorrect or negative versions of your story that you are starting to doubt and believe the fiction? …Continue reading →

Foster parenting is an exercise in unselfishness

I sat in a noisy restaurant, and across the table from me was the most beautiful 2-year-old girl with the best little ringlets falling from her head. She was a part of our family for nearly a year and now, seeing her for the first time since she left our home, it would seem we hardly knew each other.DIGITAL CAMERA

It had been months since she left our home to be reunified with her sister. We celebrated with her and we mourned the loss of everyday interactions with her. Now, as our families got together for the first time since this transition, it was clear the transitioning wasn’t over. …Continue reading →

Learn to see reunification through different eyes

Reunification.

It’s an act of coming together, a uniting, a union or a homecoming. Everything from the historic fall of the Berlin Wall, which brought about the unity of East Germany and West Germany, to the heartwarming stories we see on TV about people searching for and finding long-lost family members.

Yet to a foster parent, reunification is not the tearing down of a wall or the happy celebratory reunion after years of searching. It is a difficult day that doesn’t feel much like a celebration at all. …Continue reading →

Adjusting to the new normal of having a special needs child

As we joyfully prepared for a move toward adoption for one of our foster children, we also heartbreakingly received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. It has been a process to accept and come to terms with this as we also try to find our family’s new normal.

When you have a child with special needs, you learn what he or she needs and how you can Special-Needs-Childbest help him or her function. What may not look normal to one family becomes your family’s normal as you navigate this journey. On good days, you function within your family’s normal, and you avoid any major meltdowns or catastrophes. You can experience days, sometimes even weeks, that go by as you live your normal and then it hits you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere that to anyone watching from the outside, you are not normal. Maybe you even think to yourself in those sad and ugly moments that your child is not normal, and that your family is not at all normal. …Continue reading →

As foster parents we must recognize our daily successes

We can all agree that we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else. We strive for perfection in our society, for getting it right the first time every time, and this only causes us to be critical of ourselves. What we often overlook is how much we are getting right and how many times we have succeeded.

Foster parents are no exception and oftentimes feel the most unsuccessful. They don’t stop to realize that they are caring for some of the most vulnerable, traumatized and challenging children. With each child who comes into the home, foster parents build a new skill set specific to that child. In addition to meeting the unique needs of the child, foster parents then extend themselves to the child’s biological parents. This in turn requires yet another skill set to be built, …Continue reading →

Foster parent advice for answering the tough questions

I work as a Certified Child Life Specialist in a hospital setting where I am often charged with
providing supportive conversations with children about new diagnosis, surgery and loss.

Even with formal training and a degree to support this work, it is often my 5½-year-old’s infinite curiosity that brings me to a loss for words.

Our family currently finds itself in various stages of permanency. We have an adopted son, a baby we are fostering, and I am also expecting. On the way to school one day, my son asked, “What will happen if we can’t adopt the baby (in your belly)?” …Continue reading →

Parenting with empathy is extremely important for foster children

Last year, we got the call to take in a 7-year-old girl. She was our first placement and would be dropped off within the hour. I will never forget seeing her face when she arrived at our door. She was so young, so little and all by herself. That afternoon we went out to Culver’s and then to Kmart to pick up pajamas and clothes for school the next day.

As the months went on, we worked to help her cope with the trauma she experienced. It was hard on her and us. As sweet as she looked and could be, her behaviors were tough to manage. I did what I thought was the best for her… I parented her with empathy. …Continue reading →

The true “beauty” I see as a foster parent

“It is a beautiful thing you are doing for those kids.”
“What beautiful children you have; I love their curly brown locks.”
“What a beautiful person you are to do what you do. I could never do it.”
“What a beautiful family you all are!”
 “You have such a beautiful way with these kids.”
“What a beautiful blessing for him to have you for his foster mom.”

The word “beauty” is thrown out a lot when people talk to me about being a foster family.

But the true beauty is that you don’t actually have to BE a foster parent to make a difference in the lives of children in foster care. Your beauty can resonate and touch their lives in ways that may impact them without you even knowing it. …Continue reading →

10 things I would go back to tell myself as a new foster parent

1.  You will fall in love with every child who enters your home, and they will become a part of your family. They will take a chunk of your heart with you when they leave, but you will also find that your heart has grown tremendously by loving them.

2.  You will never be caught up on laundry. You just won’t, don’t even try.

…Continue reading →