Be prepared for these common questions when you become a foster parent

Did Katy Perry have foster children? In just a few short lines she sums up many of my days.

You’re hot then you’re cold.
You’re yes then you’re no.
You’re up then you’re down.
You’re in then you’re out.

Actually, that can sum up any spouse or parent’s day.

So did we know the valleys were this deep or the mountains this steep when we decided to foster? No! Did we know the joys would be indescribable or that my faith would grow in ways unimaginable? No!

Isn’t that the beauty of life? None of us have a crystal ball that tells us how everything will turn out. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from putting ourselves out there.

Whenever someone finds out that I am a foster parent a series of common questions and statements usually follow. “What if the child is … ? What if the child does … ? What about your other children? I could never give a child back.”

Somehow when I mentioned I was a foster parent they assumed I said, “It’s easy,” “It’s simple” or “It’s perfect!” It’s not! Not much in life is. Actually it is easy to never challenge yourself and it is simple to not get involved in anything. It may seem perfectly alright to never expand your horizons.

Almost every person who throws out the litany of “what ifs” is a married person or a parent. “Why did you get married? Why did you have children? Was there some guarantee with either of those that cancelled out all the unknowns?” Of course not, but you still went ahead and did the best you could. Becoming a foster parent is no different.

There is a Chinese saying that says, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is NOW!”

If you think you could love a child, if you think you could teach someone how to trust or attach, then the best time to do so is NOW!

My family and I will continue to choose this for ourselves and do our very best with all the “what ifs.” We will continue to love and cherish these children for as long as we will have them. We will also let God take care of the rest!

So, what if you become a hero in the life of a child? What if you become a foster parent?

- Betsy DuKatz, licensed foster parent
Betsy Dukatz


Comments

Be prepared for these common questions when you become a foster parent — 3 Comments

  1. You put to words so many of my own thoughts! It is always nice to know there are others out there thinking and feeling and working to handle to same things we are!

  2. I think you all are the real heros in these children’s lives! I totally put 90% of all foster parents on a pedestal, above overwhelmed CPS workers. You give them kids a stable and loving home. It’s not an easy job to do and takes a special family to take on such a unselfish role for children who are removed from their home for whatever reason. Having said that…. My grandson was given too my son because the mother left him alone as an infant several times and tossed him at 6 weeks across the room landing on the sofa thank god! Found out mom got no prenatal are till her 7 th month of pregnancy. And we found out that at 3 months old he hadn’t ever been to a dr( we were told by mother and grandmother baby was up to date with visits immunizations ect. Baby had to have a full body scan just to make sure he was ok. Then the balance issues started. He would be standing and just tip over! Not even try to brace himself during fall. My son had every test done on him over the last two years but nothing turned up. Then my grandson fell against the tv and got a bruise on his ear and when we brought him into the emergency room the dr called the police and he was taken too a great family foster home whom i have thanked endlessly for opening their home for two days. He was then given to me just before fathers day this year. That was the last time I heard or saw anyone from CPS until Friday aug 17th. No home visits, no phone calls (except one from a man the first week in aug too say that he forgot to run a criminal background check on my husband and I Before baby was placed with us. The lady who oversees visits with my son and grandson has a meeting with CPS too update or voice concerns about the child. And every Tuesday she sat in the conferance room alone because the worker from CPS never showed up to one meeting or called to say she couldn’t make it.
    Trust me if In my mind I had a 1% doubt that my son hurt my grandson I would take him and he would never see him again ever!! But watching this boy fall all dang day long over and over again and knowing what a great dad my son is because he stepped up from day one to care for baby with me overseeing everything as they lived with me for 18 plus months in my home. When he moved I went 3 days a week to his home to see baby n let my son go see friends if he choose too n he always stayed home to play.and my husband twice a week While my son worked a few hours twice a week. My son and grandson have a strong support system in place with an aunt and others within a block from his home. Never saw any anger issues with my son his whole life not even a fit! I do know that CPS was doing their job when they removed my grandson at the hospital. But I don’t believe that their (Cps) involvement should have ended there! They haven’t done one thing to reunite my son with his child or even checked on my grandson this whole time he has been in my home. No services offered. My son wanted to find out about parenting classes to better his skills and learn techniques to be a better father but they blew him off. I understand that some grandparents refuse to believe that their son/daughter has hurt their own child. And often look the other way when all the signs of abuse or neglect are in their face. That isn’t my case at all! My mom n sister took sexually abused children who were often so scared of other people ( one girl 3 years old was afraid of men) so I know the flags and what to look for which is why I would visit my sons house unannounced and listen to what they were doing in the house. Never ever would leave a child in an unhealthy environment even if it ment my son never talked to me again as long as the child is safe. Sorry to go on and on and on…. I would like too know what kind of programs are out there for my son like parenting classes ect. We are in Douglas county. Can’t get any info from CPS worker at all.

    Bless you all for your help

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